I remember watching a British
documentary once, years ago. It was about sex. They were interviewing
men and women about their fantasies. They edited all the men together
and one after one, they said the same thing: two women at one time.
Threesome. No description or detail. Just the simple repetition. Two
women at once. It was as if for them, just multiplying tits and ass
by two was the ultimate turn on. More is better. Crass and direct.
Boring.
The women however were dirty. Really
really dirty. Dirty and specific. Dirty and creative. Dirty and
downright kinky. One fantasized about apparatus, machines, and
equipment and ways to be restrained. Another thought about animals,
dogs and ponies. Another wanted to take control, having a man kneel
before her and paint her toenails. And then there were the aliens...
I was talking about this with some friends, and we began to describe our own fantasy lives. We all agreed we had worlds. Not flashes or images, but narratives, details and repeated scenes that we would go over and over again until perfected. Personally, I have an island. I visit that island and replay scenarios. Chase scenes, auctions, and public displays. It's my world.
My favourite story is from a lesbian
friend of mine. She had this fantasy that involved a power station.
In her fantasy it is her orgasms that fuel the electricity. She would
be in the station and people would have to make her come over and
over again so that the energy would be generated. She said it made
her feel so powerful. I loved the image. A city illuminated by her
come.
I have had partners ask me what my
fantasies are. I think in hope that they can fulfill them in some
way. It is rare that I reveal the details. For one, they could never
do to me the things I imagine. I think that is the point of the
imagination. To go to the impossible. It is so limitless. I am not
ashamed of my dirty world, it just belongs to me. I am in it's
centre, the most desired, the most insatiable, the most irresistible.
It feels like home, however, where calm sleep follows.
So two women you say? Imagination please. What are they wearing? How do they smell? What do they say to me as they take control? I need details please. I need impossibilities. It is a fantasy after all and that is the point.
You know its funny, but think about this. Lets say a man and woman are on a date, and the guy comes home to the woman's place and he sees a vibrator on the table next to the bed. Both will most likely think this is a good thing, especially the guy. A woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality, etc. Reverse the situation and a woman comes home with a guy and sees something like a fleshlight or one of those synthetic half torsos next to the bed. Uh-hoh. The woman might think, this guys a perv (whatever that means), or cant find a woman, or is a creep. Essentially whats his problem? Basically, women are encouraged in many ways over men to express a wide ranging degree of sexuality. By different clothing, or make up, or not wearing makeup, via hair styles, sexual toys, books, and so on.
ReplyDeleteMen are not particularly, in fact are very much discouraged to do so. So I'd imagine that the guys in this interview never even considered that there were alot of other options, as the culture never gave it to them.
Finally, and interestingly, alot of your examples don't really seem to include men on the female side, rather they includes animals, and electricity and objects and so on, where as the men's fantasy of two women actually includes women. I think there's something very nice and human about that. I wonder what that says about women's realtionship to sex.
Eitherway, I'm suspicious of this result and am tempted to repeat the "documentary". All it would require is a video camera, some time and a number of male and female volunteers. I wonder what result you would get here in Montreal....
Well I agree that men are socialized in this way. I would not argue that it is some biological imperative that they have more basic fantasies. It is undoubtedly culturally influenced and I imagine if one looks at other cultures, there would be a greater variance of fantasy. Japanese culture, for example has a very fertile fantasy history.
ReplyDeleteAs for my examples that did not have men in them, well they did have men (well women too.. so lets say people), one has a man submitting and who do you think was running all that that machinery???
For arguments sake lets just agree that this was hardly an evidenced based study...
Just cause I am a pain in the ass though.. here is an evidenced based study..seems group sex tops the list for the boys.. and using objects and stuff for the ladies...
Wilson, Glenn D. "Male-female differences in sexual activity, enjoyment and fantasies." Personality and Individual Differences 8.1 (1987): 125-127.
I take your point however and I certainly know a ton of men whose fantasy lives are much more interesting here in Montreeal than the "two chicks please version".. The doc was British.. need I say more :p
I very much like the fantasy of a woman becoming a powerhouse at orgasm time, as it does bring the idea of the procreator, source of life, but also the conditional necessity; the Island cannot survive unless the woman comes... A higher living is possible only with a higher level of pleasure. Powerful image indeed...
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