Monday, July 18, 2011

Technological Relationships

I like to think about relationships. Who are we kidding? There may be even some obsessive analyzing going on there. Recently I have embarked on a new one. I had been thinking about and lusting for this particular one for about two years. When it started I thought to myself, this is the future. I knew it was in its infancy stages and I was not ready yet. I knew I didn't have the time or the money to embark. It didn't stop my fantasizing though.I saw my friends in simialr realtionships and I was jealous, I asked them how good is it? It is everything you thought it would be? Does it feel as good as it looks? Are you scared of breaking it?

Last week I did it. I ordered the frickin iphone. Now here I am in that realtionshhip I knew I should avoid. The one that you know better than to get into, but can't help because is is so shiny and pretty. You know you will never fully understand it and it will probably just end up breaking your your heart by frustrating you and teasing you with its untapped potential. It chimes at me, beeps at me and vibrates its constant need for attention. Even when it doen't need me, I am drawn to it hoping it has something to say.

I know my friends will begin to resent its presence in my life as I withdraw into my co-dependency with my virtual obsession, but yet I can't help but talk about it. They have all been there before. Their relationships have faded into that comfortable, lustless comraderie you see in old married couples. They bicker at theirs, cursing its flaws and inadequacies, looking longingly at younger more vibrant releases to come. Iphone? oh android is better? Why not blackberry? Racist.

My auto correct puts words in my mouth, assuming that it knows better than me what I want to say. Strangely, a lot of the time it is right. It makes jokes and keeps me from writing mother fucker unless I really really mean to. It makes me wish I had delicate fingers so that I could use it the way I want and make it give me what I need. I even make it wear protection because this realtionship is new and I don't want to harm it it anyway and I really don't want to have its iphone babies...yet. It is sassy and slutty though, and keeps trying to rope me into three ways for "facetime." I like it, but it unnerves me.

I have decided though to try and live in the NOW. I just want to experience the love, the joy, the connection to wifi. I do have a long term, three year plan afterall, so I have to make this thing work, but I want to relish this honeymoon period, where I can give it the attention it deserves. I will try not to lose it, and control my urge to slap people who fondle it too intimately. It is a just a phone afterall. Right?

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